23 February 2012

Court of the King of Excuses

Step up. Step up! The king is accepting applicants today for excuses. The only thing we need is an occupation.
Writer, huh? We seem to get a lot of your lot.
Oh, those people clustered to the king’s right? They’re the debunkers. They stand in judgment of the excuses offered, to make sure they pass through the crap detector of most people. Our king holds his position because he can get past them ninety times out of one hundred. We’ve had people try their hand at excuses, but the king crushes those choices every time.
Let me offer a few examples:
I don’t know what to write. Beginners offer this one frequently. They stare at a blank page or blank screen, without any progress. The debunkers point out that the person is misstating their actual problem. The writer doesn’t know where to begin. However, all this also states a falsehood. Start with anything, just get some words on the page to rev the mind, and it will become a writing day.
One day I’ll make time to write. (Also translated as “Life got in the way.”) To this, the king says P’sha! He finds time to write hundreds of excuses a day, even with ruling his kingdom, dealing with his family, and household duties. It’s important to him. So, he feels that something important will work its way into your schedule. If it doesn’t, it’s not important. This doesn’t claim that you haven’t TRIED to work it into the schedule, just that you’ll need to try harder.
I have nothing new to say. In response to this comment, the king usually requests a DNA test. I’ve never heard the complete explanation why, but it has to do with searching for the perfect clone of a person, with identical experiences and thoughts. I assume he means that every unique individual brings their own perspective, so everyone can say something, even if it sounds the same as another.
I’m written into a corner. The flippant response is to “write a door for yourself.” Of course, that’s of no help. However, there is truth in the flippant. He’s suggesting searching the story for why you’ve found a corner. Perhaps the answer is hidden within the text, as the Labyrinth showed us, the doors are there, if we look for them.
I’m blocked. Oh, the king adores this one. He claims two paths lead to this excuse. One comes from a story breaking from the writer’s comfort zone. They don’t want to follow the story’s suggested plot because it scares them. The second path is the story’s characters don’t agree with the things the writer is forcing on them, because it doesn’t fit the story. It requires the writer to backtrack and find the place where the glitch started, then rewrite or add scenes so that it will work.
He’s aware that other issues lead to this comment, but these are the two he’s seen most.
Well, I’ve rambled on and it’s almost your turn. Let me present your occupation so we can hear what the king offers for you today.
(Special thanks to members of the St Mary’s County Writers Group for offering some excuses that I missed.)
Today's post was inspired by the topic “Conquering Procrastination” as part of the Merry-Go-Round Blog Tour, http://merrygoroundtour.blogspot.com/. This ongoing tour allows you, the reader, travel around the world from author's blog to author's blog.
Don’t miss tomorrow’s posting over at: http://suesantore.com/
If you want to get to know nearly twenty other writers, check out the Merry-Go-Round Blog Tour: http://merrygoroundtour.blogspot.com/


  1. Fabulous post. Some of those excuses are horribly familiar...

  2. Great post, oh mighty King! I love the title too!